My Theo

I wonder if Theo will always be the child who brings out in me the full range of emotions, my best and my worst. From intense love to complete despair, on a daily basis he causes me to feel at my happiest and at my lowest.


I cannot reconcile the Theo now, with the baby he was. He was a quiet, placid thing - apart from at night when he let us (and our neighbours) know what was in store. From around a year and a half his personality started to come through. At first it seemed typical toddler behaviour but now I think really it is just what he is like.

He is of course wonderful. The sweetest, funniest boy. I am proud that he is mine.

But he will challenge every single little thing every single day which makes daily life exhausting and can reduce me to the verge of tears by breakfast time. He can be so cross and angry.

Mostly, I know how to keep on top of it, to get the best out of him, to get him to eventually do what needs to be done to get through our day. But it is draining and tiring keeping it up day in and day out. Some days I slip up.

I know that everyone refers to their young children as being spirited and willful and stubborn. Because young children finding their feet in this world and trying to assert their independence act like that. I suppose that Theo has been no worse than many and better than some. They don't call it the Terrible Twos for nothing. Though the Threes should perhaps be included, and Theo has done it with the best of them. But now he is approaching 4, I thought we would have left at least some of that behaviour behind. I know that Freyja became easier as she approached 4. But not yet. Even his childminder calls him challenging and his key worker at playgroup says 'oh he is so willful, this one, where does he get it from?'


He's never been one for throwing tantrums, though of course he can scream and rage with the best of them. He isn't terribly naughty or overly aggressive or a bully. His is more of a generally defiant approach to life, a refusal to cooperate, arguing about everything whether justified or completely nonsensical, a two-fingers-up-at-the-world-and-everyone-in-it attitude.

I love that boy. I love his cheeky smile, I love how he laughs when he finds something funny and even more when he thinks he's done something funny. I love how affectionate he is, always wanting kisses and hugs. How he sometimes wakes in the night and stumbles sleepily out of his room because he's looking for me for a cuddle. How in the middle of a crying rage he will suddenly ask me to cuddle him. I love when he says 'don't worry, mum' and how he offers me tastes of his food, or his stickers or a go on whatever toy he is playing with. I like listening to him 'reading' his books and acting out games with his trains. How he kisses his brother and plays with his sister. How he still likes pink and flowers and hearts and to wear my 'clip-clops' and pat my face powder into his cheeks. I love our walks and baking cakes together and our chats and our bedtime snuggles.

But, the battles. The battles over every little tiny thing we do each day. I don't love those.

I say to him 'where is my happy Theo?' and hope each day is a better one.