My Baby Brother

New Term, New School

Just before half term, Freyja was offered a place at one of the schools she was on the waiting list for.

It wasn't an easy decision as she was very happy and settled in her school but after much discussion we decided that the reasons we had wanted her to go to this school were still valid and accepted the place. She is friends with a couple of children who go to this new school and it has a good reputation. It is also more convenient for me, despite being slightly further away, as it is right next to Theo's preschool and also close to my childminder for when I return to work next year.

So today saw Freyja as new girl in her new school. I hope we've made the right decision.

The Gallery - Faces

My newborn children have the same faces.


It seems that my genes and Adrian's genes have only one combination!

One Year

My nephews, with two friends, release balloons filled with messages for their mum, who passed away a year ago today.

Keep strong, boys.



Anna, we all miss you.

http://www.justgiving.com/AnnaTryggvason

Constant Feeder

It looks as though I have a constant feeder on my hands again.

Noah so far is slotting somewhere in between Freyja and Theo in how he is as a newborn. Freyja was a fussy little thing, often crying, feeding constantly and wouldn't sleep in the day. Theo however was very easy baby, quickly falling into a regular routine with his feeding and napping well in the day and going down easily at night. What they both had in common was they wouldn't sleep through, feeding in the night for a long time and taking time to settle when they woke - Theo in particular really put us through it. Funny how things turn out - their baby temperaments are nothing like they are today. And they both also love their beds now!

Noah is calm during the day. He sleeps well and feeds well and when he's awake he's content most of the time. But then at around 4pm/5pm he gets taken over by a feeding frenzy and we have very fussy evenings, often lasting until midnight where all he wants to do is feed and cry. Freyja was exactly the same, though she used to really scream and I'd say she had colic. I'm not sure I'd label it colic just yet with Noah but it may well be going that way. He definitely has issues with wind/digestion by the end of the day.

Sometimes I can put him in the sling and he'll settle and sleep but generally he just keeps crying and all I can do is offer him a feed which calms him down. Sometimes it continues through the night, with him needing long feeds each time he wakes up (and then only sleeping for an hour or two before he wants more).


I know it is normal, particularly in breastfed babies. I know he is getting enough milk - the constant nappy changes and massive weight gain are proof of that. I know that he is still so young, only 3 weeks old.

It is so much easier to deal with this time. I used to get so upset and stressed out with Freyja but this time I know it doesn't last forever, I know it is normal newborn behaviour.

And I know how quickly this time passes.

So Glad I Had Him

When I was pregnant with Noah, at around 8 weeks (coinciding exactly with the onset of the most hideous morning sickness) I suddenly had a huge crisis of confidence. I felt constantly anxious and spent most of the rest of my pregnancy with a knot in my stomach - so much so that I had to go to the doctor about it.

It felt like such a huge decision to have made (and making decisions is not something I'm good at) and I felt a lot of anxiety about how it would turn out. Suddenly every negative thing I had ever read about having three children seemed huge. I worried about anything and everything.

Now that he has arrived I just cannot believe I doubted this. I feel terrible and keep telling him how sorry I am for spending the best part of 9 months in turmoil. I can't stop looking at him and kissing him and cuddling him. I can't bear to think that I might have opted for an easier life and decided not to have our third, when three has been in my heart all along.

When people say how hard it is looking after kids, they don't account for the fact that you actually want to do it, because of how much you love them. From the second he was in my arms, I have wanted to look after him - I want to bathe him and dress him and change his nappy. I want feed him and cuddle him. And later on I want to make him a pack lunch and buy him new shoes and get his hair cut and his dinner ready.

I want to do all of these things for him just as much as I want to to do them all for Freyja and Theo.

It Never Seems As Bad In the Morning...

Ah, sleep deprivation, how could I have forgotten you so easily?

It took around a year for Freyja and Theo to start sleeping through with any kind of regularity so I'm pretty prepared for the long haul again this time. But you always hope, don't you?

Well Noah feeds even more at night than the other two did. He is pretty much bang on every 2 hours - 10pm, 12am, 2am, 4am then usually one snuck in at around 5.30am as well. He also, like Freyja, quite often does that really fussy evening constant feeding thing, something we escaped with Theo. However, on the positive side he tends to go back to sleep once he's fed during the night.

Last night, we had a really good night and he managed 3 hours between feeds - this makes all the difference as I only had to feed him at 1.30am and at 4.30am. I feel much better for it today.

But surviving on an hours sleep here and there is just horrid. We've had a few unsettled nights where I haven't been able to get him back to sleep after his feed and it is such a killer.

But I always find that no matter what the night brings - and we really went through it with Theo - things never seems as bad the next morning. I think that will be my motto for surviving these early, sleepless nights.

Freyja Can Skip

With two feet:



And with one:

Home Alone

I did my first day on my own with the three kids today. Adrian went in a bit late so I had some help in the morning, but I did the school runs and bedtime myself as he has to work late tonight.

It has been okay. Better than the first few times I was left alone with the two kids (as described here and here). I guess I'm more used to juggling children this time and the fact that they are both older is a huge help. We didn't do much - and Theo watched way too much telly - but the school run, lunch, dinner and bedtime all went smoothly.

The hardest thing is not being able to hand Noah to someone when he wants to be held and I've got to get on with something else. That and the fact that he is feeding pretty much every two hours so working everything around that is a little tricky. It's physically exhausting as I've had to use the sling for a lot of the day to get Noah to sleep or so he doesn't cry through being left alone for too long. Less than 2 weeks after giving birth, I still feel pretty tired, I'm ravenously hungry all the time and I'm getting at most a 2 hour stretch of sleep, usually nearer just an hour, a few times through the night. So, with the two older ones now in bed and Noah in his bouncer next to me, I'm pretty shattered and just waiting for his next feed before we both retire for the night.

But despite all that I feel so lucky to have him and to be doing this again and I am so glad that we made this decision.

Lewisham Birth Centre

I was lucky enough to be able to have Noah in the Lewisham Birth Centre - you need to have a low risk pregnancy, go into labour spontaneously and, if it isn't your first baby, have had previous straight forward labours.

I've had all three of my babies in Lewisham hospital and have been lucky enough to have had, on thw whole, three good experiences. But this last one in the birth centre really was something else - and makes me a little sad that I'm not having any more and won't need to use the centre again! I can't recommend the it highly enough. To think that this facility is available in Lewisham on the NHS is pretty impressive.

From my initial assessment, to the midwives who assessed me after my waters had broken, to the the actual labour and delivery, the fantastic midwife who discharged me the next day and the lovely midwife who did Noah's newborn assessment on the Monday, I can't fault the care and attention that I have received. Every single midwife has been kind, helpful and caring.

Nothing I have asked or done or wanted has been silly or too much trouble. I was unsure about whether to go for a natural or managed third stage - they gave me loads of time to decide and in the end one midwife advised me, which I clearly needed. When my contractions disappeared I wasn't made to feel uncomfortable or that I was wasting anyone's time, I was just taken to my room and left alone with Adrian to rest and see how things progressed. During the actual labour and delivery, as hideously painful as it was, I felt in control and I felt safe - I never felt afraid and I was given so much support exactly when it was needed without actually having to ask. I was offered different things (the beanbag, which I would never have thought to use, was brilliant) to try throughout the labour and allowed to do whatever felt right. Adrian being able to stay after the birth was just wonderful, we lay together, with Noah, on the bed and dozed until the morning. There was an ensuite bathroom where I showered after the delivery and then had a bath the next morning. We listened to music (Classic FM!) the whole time and watched telly in the morning. I was discharged by the most lovely midwife who cared that my third labour afterpains were so bad that I had vomited with the first few, and gave me some pain relief. The baby is given a check up the next day, in addition to the usual GP check up at 6 weeks, something I haven't had before - so his eyes, hips, testicles, colour etc were all checked. He yelled so much the midwife said that they never worry about babies with lungs like that!

I have nothing negative to say about the Birth Centre or my experience there. While I was there I heard the midwives talking on the phone to other women who had gone into labour and without exception they were gentle and kind in their advice - I'm not sure whether they pick particular midwives to work in the birth centre because I have had rather more brusk treatment previously on the maternity ward..!

If you live round this area, want a natural, active birth or a water birth (though you can also have gas & air as pain relief) and are lucky enough to have a straightforward low-risk pregnancy then I really would recommend it. And then you just have to hope for a straightforward, spontaneous labour...!

Aden and Anais

Noah has already had some lovely gifts, two of my favourites have been a sleeping bag and a swaddle blanket from aden + anais. I'd never come across these before but they are beautiful sleeping bags and blankets made from muslin.

Noah was given this lovely dinosaur swaddle blanket:



And this gorgeous car print sleeping bag:



They are so beautiful and make lovely newborn gifts.

One Week

Noah is one week old today. He has changed our lives completely - from 4 person family to 5 person family. And yet at the same time has just slotted in, as we keep life and routines going in the way you have to when you already have two children.

The last week feels like a blur, my hormonal high after his arrival making everything seem fuzzy round the edges. He sleeps and feeds round the clock (feeding around every 2 hours and often more frequently in the evening) , with a few wakeful moments during the day. He likes sitting and sleeping in his bouncer during the day but at night he'll only sleep in the bed with us - initially actually on me but now next to me. And I'll admit I haven't tried hard to get him to sleep anywhere else. He is my last baby after all.

We've taken him out a few times, once to see some friends and today for lunch and to the park, packing three coats and strapping three children into the car.

The things I worried about doing with three children, or three times over seem silly now. This is now the new normal. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Siblings

My children have reacted pretty much as I expected they would to the new arrival. My big worry was that Theo, who has been very keen on the whole baby thing so far, would change his mind when Noah actually arrived. But that hasn't happened.

So far, Theo is very taken with Noah - much more so than Freyja, who has a generally more cautious approach to these things. She informs me that she does like Noah, but he is very new so she needs to get used to it. Slowly, slowly she is starting to touch him and stoke him, commenting on how soft his skin is and how tiny his hands are. She says he smiles at her and she asks about him when she gets home from school. She was a little shocked when she first saw him - he was only a few hours old when we came home and was still very squashy and red/purple in the face. But the next day she told me he was now looking more like she expected.

Theo however was straight in there from the minute we arrived home.

He wants to hold him and cuddle him and kiss him. He asks about him when he wakes up and he wants his photo taken with him. He was doing a fantastic job with helping with the nappy changes until he spotted the cord and now he wants nothing to do with nappies, until the cord has fallen off.

But he still can't stop cuddling him.

!

Noah's Birth Story

They say that third labours can be unpredictable - you assume that the baby will just fly out the minute you go into labour, but it doesn't always happen that way. In fact, all three of my experiences of giving birth have been different. They've all been good, and each time the actual labour has been significantly shorter but getting there has been different.

With Freyja and Theo I went the full 40 weeks - a couple of days over my due date with both of them. Noah, however, arrived just short of 39 weeks - it wasn't quite what we had been expecting to do last weekend! In fact, Adrian had popped to the pub to meet some friends and the last thing I said before he went was 'I don't think it will be tonight'. Luckily he decided to just have a couple of drinks and then left every one to it and came home. Maybe somehow he knew.

Like with Theo, the first indication that things were happening was my waters breaking, before my labour had begun. It was 4.15am on Saturday morning, I woke up feeling that strange bulging feeling and knew, as with Theo, what was happening. I jumped out of bed and my waters broke as I rushed to the bathroom. I felt quite calm but I was expecting that things would start up shortly - with Theo, I had given birth within 6 hours of my waters breaking.

All my children have been very accomodating with timing their arrivals as conveniently as possible. Freyja arrived during the Christmas holiday, Theo arrived the night that my parents got here and Noah waited until the weekend. I woke up Adrian then called my sister who headed over to look after the kids. The birth centre told me I'd need to come in but I could take my time so once Angharad had arrived and I'd had a bit more of a rest, we went in. This was about 7.30am and I still wasn't having any contractions. I kept comparing to Theo's labour and started getting myself anxious about why my contractions hadn't started - especially as I was not yet at 40 weeks and was worried that actually it was just a bit early.

At the birth centre I was checked by two lovely midwives and was told that now only 24 hours were given to go into labour spontaneously after your waters break and that I would need to be induced at 8am the the next day if it hadn't happened. I was also told I'd need to go to the labour ward at 9pm to be checked and may need to stay in the night. I felt a lot of pressure then to get this going as I really wanted to have the baby both naturally and in the birth centre. The midwife was confident it would all start up and told me to come in when my contractions were every 5 minutes - as with a third labour, once things got going it probably wouldn't take too long.

At home I felt very anxious - I tried to relax but every time I got a vague twinge I was so aware of it that I probably wasn't doing myself any favours at all. I drank raspberry leaf tea and rested in bed just waiting. When your waters break, the amniotic fluid keeps replenishing itself so you constantly leak making it difficult to do very much at all. But in the afternoon I went to Sainsburys - everyone seems to go into labour in the supermarket so I thought I'd try that! And later on I went for a walk. But still nothing.

Then, once the kids were in bed and 9pm was creeping up on me, I called the labour ward. I was desperate to not have to spend the night in hospital and luckily the midwife I spoke to said to wait until the morning as they wouldn't induce me over night anyway.

And so, more relaxed and with 12 hours ahead of me to hopefully go into labour spontaneously, I felt the beginnings of my contractions.

Within the next hour I went from nothing to having contractions about every 4 minutes - not too painful, but coming quickly. I called the birth centre and they told my to come in, given it was my third. In the car, they were still coming around every 4/5 minutes, managable and lasting around 30 seconds. We got to the birth centre at about 10pm and I was still having contractions but when I was checked at 10.30pm they had really subsided. And then I was told that I hadn't dilated at all. This really discouraged me as with both Freyja and Theo I was quite far along when I got to hospital. I suddenly felt that I really didn't know where this labour was going.

Luckily I was able to stay in the birth centre - I think with it being my third they were still prepared that when it did kick off, it would probably be quick. For this pregnancy I've taken part in a student midwife project and I had called my student midwife, Hollie, to let her know I was going in. When she arrived my contractions had all but stopped and I felt guilty for calling her in. I was very anxious by this point, worried I'd need to be induced and not confident of how the labour was going to progress.

My student midwife decided it would be best just to leave me to relax and so Adrian and I were left alone in our room and we both dozed on the double bed, and slowly I felt my contractions coming back again. By midnight they were coming closer together and by around 12.30am Adrian went to call my student midwife. Within the next half hour the contractions went from managable to regular and painful and by about 1am it's fair to say I was in agony. They were coming strongly and quickly and my student midwife, deciding I was definitely in established labour now, called another midwife to assist.

The birth centre is geared up for an active birth and I had been walking round or kneeling on the floor. I was given a beanbag which was brilliant and Hollie asked if I wanted gas and air, which I had thought I would try without this time but the contractions were so strong I couldn't. She got the gas and air and I moved, with the beanbag, onto the double bed, kneeling over the bean bag. I was able to get by with less gas and air than in my previous labours, but used it to take the edge off the last few massive contractions before I moved into the pushing stage. I had a proper transition stage of feeling completely overwhelmed, tearful and sure that I couldn't go on. Then the midwife told me to move up the bed so baby wouldn't fall on the floor and I saw her preparing the little table and I suddenly realised that I must be nearly there.

And then the urge to push started and that was that - I'm not sure I could have stopped anyway, but luckily the midwives considered I was ready and both encouraged me to go with it, giving me lots of guidance on when and how to push. According to my notes, I pushed him out in 4 minutes.

In my previous labours, particularly with Freyja I had relatively long pushing stages, finding it harder to maintain the push. None of those concerns this time - I had massive urges to push alongside long, strong contractions so he pretty much flew out. A few strong contractions brought him right down and then his head came out in one long push, followed by a brief pause and then his body was out with the next. I felt complete and utter relief.

I gave birth kneeling this time - the set up of the birth centre rooms, with their low level double beds, make it so much easier to get a more comfortable and better position. With the previous two on hospital beds, I was on my side and my back.

I looked down and could see him there, saw he was a boy and then the midwife passed him up to me. I was very emotional at this point, overwhelmed, relieved, tearful. We waited until his cord stopped pulsating and then Adrian, who of course had been brilliant throughout, helping me to keep going when I felt I couldn't do it any more, cut it.

One thing I really remember about this labour is how much I could feel what was going on. Once my contractions were established I could really feel with each one that I was dilating and when I pushed I both felt the urge to very strongly and I could feel what it was doing - the baby moving down, the head being delivered and then the body. So rather than just that sickening pain radiating out, I could feel what the pain was actually doing. I don't know if it helped at the time - hindsight makes you view these things differently and I know at the time I was just desperate for it to be over - but looking back it seems it was probably a useful thing to know that while I was in agony, I could at least feel that my body was doing what it was supposed to do.

And so little Noah was born in a flurry of purple faced fury. His whole head was congested on account of the speed of his delivery - and he was furious! I have never heard a newborn cry for as long as he did. He just didn't stop for ages. And his face looked like a blackcurrant.

I didn't tear - and feel incredibly lucky to have escaped that 3 times now. The midwife was very kind towards me about how I had handled the labour, and had, as much as I could, followed their advice during the pushing stage.

So despite an anxious wait all day Saturday it did end up being a very quick, intense birth - I went from not even being dilated at 10.30pm to delivering 3 hours later at 1.30am. My notes say the 1st stage was 30 minutes long and the 2nd stage was 4 minutes. That's pretty quick!

We were able to stay in the birth centre until the next morning. One huge advantage is that your partner can stay with you, so once all the checks were done, Adrian, Noah and I were just left alone to rest and recuperate. We dozed on the bed, Noah fed a little and cried a lot and his little purple face slowly turned to a slightly less alarming shade of reddish pink.

I felt euphoric by the morning . There is nothing quite like the exhilaration and absolute joy you feel once the birth is over, you've managed to get through it and have delivered your baby safely into the world.

A friend of mine told me it was just as special third time round. And she is absolutely right.

Introducing Noah

Noah Frank Lightly was born at 1.34am, weighing 7lbs 8oz, in Lewisham's midwife led birth centre (amazing - will post more on this later) on Sunday 2nd October.

Here he is not long after his arrival:

Yes, he is a rather fetching shade of purple. In fact, I decided against posting his first ever photo as it really is rather alarming. It is due to him being very forceably ejected from me in a short length of time - more on that later.

His name, Noah, was actually our original, original boys name - from well before we'd started having children and before 'Theo' crept in as a new favourite. Frank is Adrian's Opa's name.

He looks very similar to how both his siblings looked as newborns, though more so to Freyja - and he has her spindly legs too.

He has been with us not quite 48 hours and yet he is already one of us, part of our family and it's unbearable to think of a life without him. I think I am getting an understanding of why some women do just keep coming back for more. I feel euphoric right now, utterly blessed and totally in love with the new addition.

And to think I spent 9 months worrying about whether we had done the right thing.

My Three Children

Baby No 3 has arrived - a little boy, Noah, born 1.30am this morning weighing 7lbs 8oz. Love him!