Considering Three

Here is a post I wrote a little while ago, when we were still in the stage of considering three. I didn't put it up, because at that time we still hadn't decided and I didn't really want Baby No 3 'out there'. But I'm 4 months pregnant so....

I have always thought that I would have three children. Three looks right to me. Maybe it is for no other reason than I am one of three myself and therefore that is what says 'family' to me. But for what ever reason it is when I see a family of three I get a pang that says 'I want that'.

However, actually taking the plunge and making baby three has proved to be a much more agonising and complex rollercoaster of emotions than I ever expected. I can honestly say that I have thought about it every single day for the last year - and really probably closer to the last 18 months. My husband and I have talked and talked and talked about it. We may have another so just so we can change the topic.

Why such a difficult decision? Well I'm certainly not alone. Google 'should I have a third baby' and all the various ways you can ask the question, and you'll find countless women agonising over the same thing.

My heart says three. My head says two. It's the practicalities and the finance - as well as the sheer fear that you just might not actually be able to cope with three. That it just might be one too many.

There are lots of reasons not to do it. The one I keep coming back to is the thought of three lots of dental bills. I send a prayer up each day to the God of Good Teeth that mine have inherited their father's. There's the three kids in the back of a car thing. There's 5 plane tickets. The thought of three children saying 'mummy' every 5 minutes of the day fills me with dread. I find life is quite easy with two children. You have two hands, two eyes, two parents.

Surely if you are not sure you shouldn't do it. But deciding not to do it, doesn't stop the wondering from going away.

The big fear - both mine and all those other woman out there pondering the same issue - is that you may decide not to do it and then bitterly regret it in later years when it is too late to do anything about it. Or - something I really want to avoid - decide 10 years down the line to have one last go. A phrase that often crops up is 'you never regret the children you have, only the ones you didn't have'. And when you've thought about it as much as I - and those other women - have, you have pictured this child, you have pictured your family of five, you have imagined what life will be like.

So, why have another? Are two children not enough? Well, yes actually I do feel that my children are enough for me. I don't feel that I have to have another, they complete me and fulful me and make me very happy. Which makes explaining why I would like another difficult. I don't feel a great maternal urge to reproduce, I certainly don't long to be pregnant or to have a newborn. I just have a feeling of wanting another child.

I've always felt that 3 children is a bit of gang, while still being managable. You can still fit in most cars. You don't have to significantly upgrade your house. But when you are together, you are a bit rowdy, a bit loud, a bit chaotic. Or maybe that's just my family. Adrian always says it like a family of 5000, not five.

I like the idea of one-on-one time with one child and the other two still having each other to play with - rather than the one you are not with vying desperately for your attention. I like the diluted level of competitiveness that three brings. I like that there is a tie-breaker. I like that when I'm older I'll have three children to look after me. Surely one of them will rise to the challenge.

Ultimately when I browse the internet (again) looking for my lightbulb moment (again) I find that I am looking for good stories, things that will persuade me. I hate seeing the bad, negative stuff that scares me off. I want to be convinced that it is the right thing to do not that it is the wrong thing.

And that, I guess, is my answer right there.