Monday 25th October 2010

On Monday morning Anna, wife to my brother, mother to my nephews, sister-in-law to me, slipped away.

It is both devastating and a relief. She was really suffering for the last few days and none of us - not least Anna herself - wanted that. The pain is great but the shock at least has been less than when we were told she had terminal cancer - when you know someone is dying you prepare for it and wait for it. But what I feel is nothing - the thoughts that fill my head are of my brother and his boys.

My brother is sad, angry but also relieved that it is over for Anna at least. He is dreading the firsts that they all have to come. He is worried about how we are, he is worried about his sons. He is amazed that Anna thought of everyone else right to the very end, and wonders how she arranged for such a clear, crisp, brilliant day to be her last when those either side have been grey and raining.

Anna has travelled her path. How cruel and how wasteful - it seems so bizarre that she is no longer with us. No longer suffering, no longer waiting for the inevitable but also no longer clinging on to those last few precious moments of life with her husband and sons.

They must go on now, somehow struggle back out of that dark, dead-end tunnel that Anna's life turned down. We're waiting for them nearer the entrance. We're in the darkness too, but I know that we're not right down in its depths. We're waiting for them nearer the light and we're ready to pull them up as soon as we can reach them.

http://www.justgiving.com/AnnaTryggvason