Bad day...
Had a bad day today.
My children are with my parents for the week again. I am fine with this, and enjoy the free time even though I miss them a lot. But last night I suddenly realised that I have no more what we call 'mummy days' - the days when I don't work - before Freyja starts school. I got all miserable and then all pissed off at my job because I have saved up holiday to take when Freyja starts school and for various reasons have been unable to book them off. I feel that I have had to prioritse work over my child at a time when I really, really want to be fully there for her. She is fine, of course - keeps saying 'yes, mum, you already told me' when I bring up various things about school being 5 days a week and her best friend going to a different school. But I still want to be concentrating on this right now.
I went into work today and was feeling very tearful. I opened all my emails up and just felt the resentment welling up inside me.
The truth is I am struggling big time to do my job in only 2 days in the office. Although I actually only reduced down by 4 hours a week, the fact that I am only present in the office 2 days and not 3 days has had a massive impact. I sometimes feel completely overwhelmed and I also feel cross because it should work, and somehow it just isn't.
Also, Freyja is still on the waiting list for her 1st choice school, which, now that I have been back to visit both schools and done a detailed analysis of each followed by hours of extensive research on the internet, is proving to be rather depressing as I now really, really want her to get in. Having got my hopes up that she would get a place by September, what has actually happened is she got to 1st place on the list and then last week slipped down to 3rd. Pants.
I also haven't bought Freyja's lunch bag, name tags or school shirts - and Sainsburys has completely sold out of age 4 and age 5 shirts in white!!
So I was mulling over all these terrible things - school, emails, no more shirts in Sainsburys - when my manager suddenly asked if I was okay and I promptly burst into tears. I try not to cry in work - partly because I work in a glass box and everyone can see, and partly because you just feel such a tit afterwards.
Luckily I have a very lovely manager who told me I must book off next Wednesday - the last day I will have with Freyja before she starts school. So I juggled things about a bit and agreed that I would work some extra days this week and was feeling a bit better about things.
I then left work to go to a dental appointment where I found that I need £500 worth of treatment and the dreaded words 'root canal' were mentioned.
Ug.
My children are with my parents for the week again. I am fine with this, and enjoy the free time even though I miss them a lot. But last night I suddenly realised that I have no more what we call 'mummy days' - the days when I don't work - before Freyja starts school. I got all miserable and then all pissed off at my job because I have saved up holiday to take when Freyja starts school and for various reasons have been unable to book them off. I feel that I have had to prioritse work over my child at a time when I really, really want to be fully there for her. She is fine, of course - keeps saying 'yes, mum, you already told me' when I bring up various things about school being 5 days a week and her best friend going to a different school. But I still want to be concentrating on this right now.
I went into work today and was feeling very tearful. I opened all my emails up and just felt the resentment welling up inside me.
The truth is I am struggling big time to do my job in only 2 days in the office. Although I actually only reduced down by 4 hours a week, the fact that I am only present in the office 2 days and not 3 days has had a massive impact. I sometimes feel completely overwhelmed and I also feel cross because it should work, and somehow it just isn't.
Also, Freyja is still on the waiting list for her 1st choice school, which, now that I have been back to visit both schools and done a detailed analysis of each followed by hours of extensive research on the internet, is proving to be rather depressing as I now really, really want her to get in. Having got my hopes up that she would get a place by September, what has actually happened is she got to 1st place on the list and then last week slipped down to 3rd. Pants.
I also haven't bought Freyja's lunch bag, name tags or school shirts - and Sainsburys has completely sold out of age 4 and age 5 shirts in white!!
So I was mulling over all these terrible things - school, emails, no more shirts in Sainsburys - when my manager suddenly asked if I was okay and I promptly burst into tears. I try not to cry in work - partly because I work in a glass box and everyone can see, and partly because you just feel such a tit afterwards.
Luckily I have a very lovely manager who told me I must book off next Wednesday - the last day I will have with Freyja before she starts school. So I juggled things about a bit and agreed that I would work some extra days this week and was feeling a bit better about things.
I then left work to go to a dental appointment where I found that I need £500 worth of treatment and the dreaded words 'root canal' were mentioned.
Ug.
posted by solveig at
5:30 pm
5 Comments:
Hi - found you via BMB and just wanted to stop by and say hello. Liking your blog and will have a proper look around now.
I know this post is a week old, but sending you hugs xxx
And hoping things look a bit better now.
@ebabeelikes - thanks for your comment!
@ Heartful - thank you! Better now, quite looking forward to the new routine. Will probably feel horrible on Thursday though, once I've dropped her off..!
S x
Sorry to be reading old posts but sending hugs and hoping things are better
It sounds like you need a chat with your boss explaining that it isn't working and asking how the two of you can come together to solve it - its not your problem alone, its something you both need to resolve
I'm sending virtual hugs in the hope that things are better
@Muddling along Mummy - thanks for you comment. I do need to sort it out, it has been going on for too long. I've got a vague plan in mind now for what I will do.
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