Third Culture Kids
I recently read this very interesting post by the heartful blogger, from which I learned the phrase Third Culture Kid (TCK). It has really struck a cord with me - at last a name for what I am!
I left England when I was 2 years old and didn't return to live here until I was 18 and starting university. I had been living those 2 years, of which I remember nothing at all, in Surrey where I was born - though neither of my parents come from Surrey (my mum is from North Wales and my dad is from Iceland - and in a sense they are TCKs as well, as my mum spent much of her childhood in Canada and my dad grew up in London). From age 2 to age 5 I lived in Kuwait and from age 5 to age 18 I lived in Dubai. I go back to Dubai regularly, as my parents and my brother still live there.
Living abroad was completely normal to me and I did what every child in Dubai did - I went to school with other expatriate children just like me and then every summer went 'home' - in my case to my grandparents place in North Wales. But that felt like my grandparents home, not mine. My grandma died in 1999, and I haven't been to Wales since.
It was when I came to university that I started to feel a bit out of place. I hated being asked where I came from. In Dubai, if anyone asked I would say 'England' and, though not technically even true, that would suffice. In England, I realised you couldn't say that, you needed a city, town or village to claim as your own, and besides, with a name like 'Solveig' no one was going to believe that I just 'came from England'. So I started saying 'well I grew up in Dubai'. But I'd still have to explain my name. To this day I hate the question - it's just a conversation opener, an ice-breaker, but my reply can never be straightforward. Even now, when I usually say that I come from London, as soon as I say my name, it raises questions.
And then there were the references to things that I just didn't (and still often don't) understand - television shows, sweets, cartoons, Smash Hits and Top of the Pops. I have never bought a single. My teenage years were completely different, with different references, different TV, different magazines and different food.
I don't wish that things were any different. I am glad that I grew up abroad. Sometimes I used to wish I could have the same reference points as everyone who grew up in England, but that was only through wanting to fit in. I don't care so much about that now, but I think I have an understanding of how important these things feel. But overall I would never change it. I still love going back to Dubai - as totally different as it is after all these years since I left, I still get a thrill of 'going home' when the plane lands. But now I also get that same thrill when we touch down in London too.
There are many places that I feel I have some claim to. But I don't really feel like I 'come from' anywhere at all.
I left England when I was 2 years old and didn't return to live here until I was 18 and starting university. I had been living those 2 years, of which I remember nothing at all, in Surrey where I was born - though neither of my parents come from Surrey (my mum is from North Wales and my dad is from Iceland - and in a sense they are TCKs as well, as my mum spent much of her childhood in Canada and my dad grew up in London). From age 2 to age 5 I lived in Kuwait and from age 5 to age 18 I lived in Dubai. I go back to Dubai regularly, as my parents and my brother still live there.
Living abroad was completely normal to me and I did what every child in Dubai did - I went to school with other expatriate children just like me and then every summer went 'home' - in my case to my grandparents place in North Wales. But that felt like my grandparents home, not mine. My grandma died in 1999, and I haven't been to Wales since.
It was when I came to university that I started to feel a bit out of place. I hated being asked where I came from. In Dubai, if anyone asked I would say 'England' and, though not technically even true, that would suffice. In England, I realised you couldn't say that, you needed a city, town or village to claim as your own, and besides, with a name like 'Solveig' no one was going to believe that I just 'came from England'. So I started saying 'well I grew up in Dubai'. But I'd still have to explain my name. To this day I hate the question - it's just a conversation opener, an ice-breaker, but my reply can never be straightforward. Even now, when I usually say that I come from London, as soon as I say my name, it raises questions.
And then there were the references to things that I just didn't (and still often don't) understand - television shows, sweets, cartoons, Smash Hits and Top of the Pops. I have never bought a single. My teenage years were completely different, with different references, different TV, different magazines and different food.
I don't wish that things were any different. I am glad that I grew up abroad. Sometimes I used to wish I could have the same reference points as everyone who grew up in England, but that was only through wanting to fit in. I don't care so much about that now, but I think I have an understanding of how important these things feel. But overall I would never change it. I still love going back to Dubai - as totally different as it is after all these years since I left, I still get a thrill of 'going home' when the plane lands. But now I also get that same thrill when we touch down in London too.
There are many places that I feel I have some claim to. But I don't really feel like I 'come from' anywhere at all.
posted by solveig at
10:38 pm
6 Comments:
It's funny, when we were in Cyprus, my brother used to buy Smash Hits and he started supporting an English Premier League football team, even though he's never been to the UK!
We grew up with Jordanian TV and never watched Bagpuss or any of those kids tv shows everyone here talks about.
It's great you still have ties with Dubai. I wish I still had some ties with Cyprus, the favourite of the countries we've lived in.
By the way, it's great to virtually meet another TCK!
Fascinating post. I read this and the heartful blogger's post with interest, as I too am a TCK I suppose, although I had never come across that term before.
My story is messier than yours, because my parents kept a house in England which we left and returned to repeatedly. However, ten changes of school and living in four different cultures has had a profound impact on the rest of my life. I do think of England as home now, more specifically Sussex despite having only lived here for two years. For the first time in my entire life, at the age of 35, I am certain I won't be moving in the next few years.
I also fail on the cultural references - a friend had an 80's party recently and I felt like an idiot for not knowing the music, not remembering the fashion, not knowing the movies. I am so unlike everyone else.
Thank you for giving it a name. It really is much appreciated.
Hi Alicey - thanks for your comment and really interesting to read about your experience. I totally understand about how you will have felt at that 80s party!!
Hi Solveig, your 'Third Culture Kids' post hit such a chord with me, I grew up in the Solomons and lived partly there and England until I was 12, then to complicate matters further, we moved to Australia. I lived in England for a bit once I became an adult but am now back in Oz but there is a restlessness that I can't quite settle. Knowing that, although I don't really come from anywhere and having a name and a look that always needs to be explained, there is a term for who I am is incredibly comforting. Thanks for posting this.
@Anonymous - I'm really glad that this post means something to you.
The replies I've had to this post have been from people who have such different experiences and upbringings and yet we all relate to this feeling of not being from any one place or part of any one thing.
It is good to have a term to define yourself by, and to belong to something - even if that something is because you don't really belong in any one place!
I'm a third culture kid too having spent my formative years moving around a great deal. But I was at boarding school in England too so I think I have always felt that England was home, even though I wasn't born here and didn't actually spend much time here. Now I have a family, England is very definitely home and we are supposed to be moving to the States, a move I definitely don't want to make as it will take me away from that home.
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