Schools - what would you do?
I may have mentioned once or twice that my daughter is starting school in September.
She is going to the school that I put as my 2nd choice. I have seriously beaten myself up about this over the last few months, wondering if I should have put my 3rd choice as my 2nd (still wouldn't have got in but then could have gone on the waiting list etc etc etc). So I'm not completely at ease with things.
But, the school she is going to is nice - not doing brilliantly in terms of results, but has a friendly feeling, a very good head, and is making 'good' progress. But, it has a reputation of being a bit 'rough', I don't know anyone else going there, and was concerned at how few other parents chose to go to the recent open evening.
I was pretty devastated when I found out she was going to this school but I have done a very good job over the last few months of convincing myself it is all okay. I've even bought the uniform.
And then yesterday I found out that Freyja is much higher up the waiting list for our first choice school than I thought. There is a very good chance she will get in for September.
I am now in turmoil. I am mentally prepared for her going to the other school and I'm finding it very difficult to switch my expectations and think of her going to my first choice school.
My first choice school is bigger, though still manages to have the feel of a small school as it is infants only. It is quite strict in terms of its expectations and discipline and it has a great reputation, an 'Outstanding' ofsted, is very good academically and I know quite a few others going there, including Freyja's best friend. I know she will be challenged at this school and it would be lovely to go somewhere that we both know others. But the junior is a separate school - and I've heard rumours that it is not quite as good as the Infants - so will be a bit of an unknown once she gets to that stage.
I hate that I'm still having to think about this and I just want to bury my head in the sand until it all goes away. The transfer for the waiting list is automatic, so if a place comes up, she's in, just like that. So if I want to stick with the current school, I have to decide right now. I've heard so much rumour, gossip and opinion about all the schools in my area that I now have no idea what my own opinion is anymore and I'm finding it pretty much impossible to decide what to do.
She is going to the school that I put as my 2nd choice. I have seriously beaten myself up about this over the last few months, wondering if I should have put my 3rd choice as my 2nd (still wouldn't have got in but then could have gone on the waiting list etc etc etc). So I'm not completely at ease with things.
But, the school she is going to is nice - not doing brilliantly in terms of results, but has a friendly feeling, a very good head, and is making 'good' progress. But, it has a reputation of being a bit 'rough', I don't know anyone else going there, and was concerned at how few other parents chose to go to the recent open evening.
I was pretty devastated when I found out she was going to this school but I have done a very good job over the last few months of convincing myself it is all okay. I've even bought the uniform.
And then yesterday I found out that Freyja is much higher up the waiting list for our first choice school than I thought. There is a very good chance she will get in for September.
I am now in turmoil. I am mentally prepared for her going to the other school and I'm finding it very difficult to switch my expectations and think of her going to my first choice school.
My first choice school is bigger, though still manages to have the feel of a small school as it is infants only. It is quite strict in terms of its expectations and discipline and it has a great reputation, an 'Outstanding' ofsted, is very good academically and I know quite a few others going there, including Freyja's best friend. I know she will be challenged at this school and it would be lovely to go somewhere that we both know others. But the junior is a separate school - and I've heard rumours that it is not quite as good as the Infants - so will be a bit of an unknown once she gets to that stage.
I hate that I'm still having to think about this and I just want to bury my head in the sand until it all goes away. The transfer for the waiting list is automatic, so if a place comes up, she's in, just like that. So if I want to stick with the current school, I have to decide right now. I've heard so much rumour, gossip and opinion about all the schools in my area that I now have no idea what my own opinion is anymore and I'm finding it pretty much impossible to decide what to do.
posted by solveig at
7:46 PM
10 Comments:
My twopenneth, for what its worth:-
the school that Jacob goes to has considerably greater than the national average of socially disadvantaged children. When I was thinking about schools admission, this bothered me considerably but we found that it was the norm for Acomb - lots of affluent private housing but big enclaves of social housing - and all primaries have the same makeup, but are pretty much all "good" schools in their OFSTED report.
Now that Jacob is finishing Year 1 and Sam is about to start in Reception, I still have the same worries about the "roughness" of certain families that attend the school, but what I've found is that Jacob gravitates naturally towards kids from the same background as himself. He and his pals seem to instinctively know that certain kids in his class are rough, to be avoided, and that when they swear it is a bad thing. Similarly, the mums also gravitate towards other mums of the same "class" (for want of a better word). Although I do talk still to a few mums from the council estate that I met at Toddler Group, is mostly just in passing.
What I don't worry about at all is the school - its excellent and both boys love being there, the headmistress and staff are all great, and there's lots of the Added Value stuff that they grade schools on.
I'm not entirely sure that it is a good idea to hold out for a place at your first choice school - there's nothing to say that that place will become available any time soon, and by concentrating on that, you run the risk of treating the school she is due to go to as just a stop-gap rather than giving it a fair chance. If the place in the other school does come up, then deal with that situation as it happens rather than worry too much about it in advance.
I would definitely go for the best school. You might kick yourself later if you don't. If you think Freyja and you will be happier with the first school then its worth a bit of stress now to get her there.
Irie starts school next term too and she is following her big sister so we have not had to worry about her place. We all love the school and if I had to I would fight for a place.
Thanks for the comments - it helps to hear others views.
Neither school is perfect in my opinion, which makes it hard, but I do think I lean more towards my first choice - which is why I put it as first choice of course. But if it doesn't happen I would still be fine with the one she has currently been given.
I didn't realise how quickly the waiting lists move here, otherwise I would have certainly been more prepared for the possibility that I might get a place in a school this way, and would have considered my 3rd choice more seriously too.
But now I think I'll just forget about it for the weekend at least!
Thanks again!
S xx
but how do you get a place - I can't really tell from your post? can you appeal or do you have to wait until someone turns down a place at the school? if its just a case of waiting until the place becomes available, then there isn't much you can do about it, fight-wise. I have to confess, I don't really understand how it works in London.
Solveig, if its any consolation, whilst both Claire and my kids have both been lucky and settled with their primary education, our secondary choices are far from clear cut!
Sorry, my post is probably as confused as I am!!
She is on a waiting list and, yes, it is a case of waiting now until a place becomes available. They stay on the waiting list for the whole of the reception year - if a place comes up before Sept, you automatically get it. After Sept, they ask if you still want to move if a place comes up.
What I had thought would happen is that Freyja would start at her allocated school and then if a place came up at my first choice I would know by then if I wanted to move or not, based on how she had settled in etc etc.
What I didn't appreciate is just how fast the waiting lists can move here - I think so many people move in and out of London that places come up all the time. We are quite close to my first choice school and so already quite high up the list. She's gone from 8th to 2nd in 3 weeks and I've been told that, based on the size of school and the timings she has a very good chance of being allocated there before Sept.
So if I want to definitely give the current school a go I have to come off the waiting list now, or else I may find in a few weeks she is not going there anymore. While this is fine, I have bought the uniform, been to the school, like the 2 teachers I met etc etc. In fact, there is a lot I like about it - I really wouldn't mind seeing what it is like. I've always said that I would not hestitate to move her if I felt she hadn't settled.
But yes, you are right in that she may end up 2nd or 1st on the waiting list but there are no more places - it's out of my hands in that respect.
But I think I will leave her on the list and put up with the uncertainty for a bit longer. If she doesn't get in, I'm fine. But I think, overall, I would prefer that to be the school she goes to.
Thanks again - this has all been really helpful in working out what I think about it all.
S x
good luck with whatever you decide. and just remember, as Doug was remarking this evening, children from middle class families generally do well whichever school they go to, because its the parents that make the difference!
Agreed (what Rowan just said). I went to the top private day school for girls in London, and Ian went to a rough-as-guts state comprehensive in Essex.
I left school with totally unremarkable exam results, one of which had to be retaken, and a terrible attitude of incompetence and entitlement. Ian got millions of straight As and was one of very few to go to university from his neck of the woods.
He gives all the credit to his parents for being really good and supportive. Because you both help and love and support your kids, they'll be good at making the best of what they've got. I wouldn't worry.
Thanks everyone.
I've decided the most important thing for me is that she is happy and comfortable - and that will be helped if she knows a few other children when she starts so I'm leaving her on the waiting list for my first choice school.
And I am choosing between two South East London state schools here, so maybe I shouldn't get myself so worked up about little differences between the two...!
S x
I'd leave her on the list and postpone the decision - it may be that she doesn't move up any further, in which case you're ok, or that she settles in well and you decide not to move her
That said the uncertainty is not much fun
@MuddlingalongMummy - I'm definitely leaving her on the list. I've been back to both schools and it has confirmed to me the reasons why I put the first choice one in that position. I'm not sure why I got myself all worked about it to be honest.
So while I'm fine with the one she's going to - in fact having been back I'm not really sure why it has a reputation as being 'rough' as that's not really what I picked up - I do very much prefer the first choice.
So fingers crossed, but as you say, she may remain in 2nd place on the list for ever more!!
S x
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