Second Pregnancy Jitters, Re-visited
One of Sleep is for the Weak's writing prompts is 'What were you doing this time last year' and it was suggested that you could put up a post from a year ago. I liked that idea but it turns out that last February, I wasn't up to much at all.
So I went back further, to 2008, and it turns out that February two years ago was when I was having a major wobble about being pregnant again. And given that I was 7 months pregnant at the time, it was rather alarming.
Here is the post I wrote then.
I read it now and it seems so amazing to me that I felt like that. I can't believe I ever thought that having my second child would be a betrayal to my first. Watching both my children together, being with them, whether it is both of them together or just one at a time, is what I love. When Theo runs in to show Freyja something, calling her name or when Freyja asks to climb into Theo's cot and 'read' books to him in the morning and tells me that she loves her brother, my heart melts.
At the time when I had my wobble, my best friend's mum emailed me after reading my post. Among other things she told me to 'remember to look forward to all the good times you have to come when you watch your two children playing (and more than likely falling out) together'. It seems like nothing, doesn't it? Watching your children play together. But it is proving to be one of the best feelings in the world. And all the more for knowing that when they do fall out, they come together again, as only siblings can.
But two years ago I didn't know any of that. All I knew was that things were going to change irretrievably and I didn't like the idea of it one bit.
What did I think was going to happen to my relationship with Freyja? I don't know, but whatever it was seemed horrible at the time. I was scared something fundamental would change between us and I wouldn't be able to get back to where we were.
Well things did change. And actually I can no longer really remember what life was like with just one child. And I do think my relationship with Freyja is different - something that would have completely horrified me before Theo's arrival.
But it has changed for the better. My relationship with my children feels more complex, more multi-dimensional, often more exasperating and maddening but also more honest and real. It's true that Freyja is off her pedestal. But now both my children stand together.
How could I have thought it might not be that way?
posted by solveig at
2:07 pm
7 Comments:
it's funny the things that worry and frighten us in the second pregnancy isn't it? i remember having all those same worried.
I worried about this - and to be honest still do, that I have somehow disadvantaged Toddlergirl by not giving her a long time on her own
@Heather - I was extremely worried about it. That is the only post I wrote as far as I remember but ot pretty much consumed me for most of my pregnany, right until the boy popped out!
@Muddling along Mummy - it's a horrible feeling and I'm sorry it's something you still worry about. But the second (and the rest!) child never gets that time on their own, and they do fine!
Even though it was all fine in the end, I still feel exactly the same and have the exact same concerns about what it would be like to have another.
Oh honey all those feelings sound so normal to me!!
Funnily enough we are just thinking about trying again, and Kai is 19 months so we're looking at a very very similar age gap. Even without yet being pregnant those feelings nag in my mind. It's actually very reassuring to me to hear what you feel like now, on the other side of it all.
Thank you for sharing this.
@Josie - when I was pregnant the second time I used to trawl the internet for positive 'second baby' stories which was one of the reasons I wanted to put this up.
And I am very, very happy with the age gap - I'm sure I would say the same whatever the gap was, but it's worked out well.
I have the same worries you had about having a second child and we haven't even decided to go for it yet. I read your old post and your new one and it's comforting to see the truth of your emotions about the fears of things changing (which are there to a certain extent even if you only have one child), and the transition made to where you are today. It's made me feel a lot more positive about having another little one, one day.
@the heartful blogger - I wrote a post about having my feelings on 2 children here as well: http://www.solveig.co.uk/2009/05/my-thoughts-on-two.html
I actually have the exact same worries when I think about having another one though...guess it's fear of the unknown!!
S x
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