So, what's it like then...?
I was asked this question at a recent party by no fewer than 5 of my friends. I either told them it was easier than the last time or I rolled my eyes and said it was impossible to leave the house...depending on what I thought they wanted to hear. The truth of course lies somewhere in between.
Some of the things I thought would be hard have turned out not to be so bad - like Freyja's reaction to her new baby brother , getting to the child minder on time in the morning and the breastfeeding. Other things have been harder than I expected - generally getting out and about with 2 children when it's just me, juggling bedtimes (still haven't worked that one out) and dealing with the nights again.
The shift from one child family to two child family is far easier to handle emotionally than the shift from couple to one child family. There is less of that shock at how much your life has changed - or maybe it's just that you have absolutely no time any more to think about it! Perhaps it's different if your first born was a complete angel and your second born is a horror, but I've definitely found Theo easier to deal with. I think partly this is because he is a more predictable baby than Freyja (though he definitely has his fussy times, I'm not being let off that easily!) but also because I am a more confident parent.
But there is no denying that the nights are as hard as ever - if not harder because to a certain extent you feel you've already done your time!! I told everyone that my expectations were that I would have a baby who would be like Freyja in terms of sleeping and I thought I would be able to handle it well, having been through the disturbed nights before. But if I'm honest I secretly hoped that this time I would have a baby who would sleep better. I do have a baby who sleeps better during the day but the nights are as disrupted as they ever were with Freyja and I have to admit it has taken me a while to accept it. I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that I don't have a baby who is going to miraculously sleep through the night and it looks like I'm in for the long haul again.
But, all that aside, what has been most wonderful is the realisation that there isn't a big, dirty secret out there about first borns being more loved than subsequent children. I was so sure, despite what everyone told me, that there was no way I could love another child as much as I love Freyja. I felt a real sense of loss about our time together coming to an end and worried that I wasn't ready for another child. Well I'm pleased to report that not only am I utterly besotted with my second born but I don't feel any longing for my previous life. It doesn't feel as though things have changed, just that life has moved on - a natural progression. And not like I have lost something but in fact like I have gained.
A few people told me that the love would be different and that it would take longer to come with my second born but that has not been my experience. I fell for Theo straight away and I can't really differentiate the way I feel about the two of them - I just love them totally, completely and unconditionally and that is it.
Some of the things I thought would be hard have turned out not to be so bad - like Freyja's reaction to her new baby brother , getting to the child minder on time in the morning and the breastfeeding. Other things have been harder than I expected - generally getting out and about with 2 children when it's just me, juggling bedtimes (still haven't worked that one out) and dealing with the nights again.
The shift from one child family to two child family is far easier to handle emotionally than the shift from couple to one child family. There is less of that shock at how much your life has changed - or maybe it's just that you have absolutely no time any more to think about it! Perhaps it's different if your first born was a complete angel and your second born is a horror, but I've definitely found Theo easier to deal with. I think partly this is because he is a more predictable baby than Freyja (though he definitely has his fussy times, I'm not being let off that easily!) but also because I am a more confident parent.
But there is no denying that the nights are as hard as ever - if not harder because to a certain extent you feel you've already done your time!! I told everyone that my expectations were that I would have a baby who would be like Freyja in terms of sleeping and I thought I would be able to handle it well, having been through the disturbed nights before. But if I'm honest I secretly hoped that this time I would have a baby who would sleep better. I do have a baby who sleeps better during the day but the nights are as disrupted as they ever were with Freyja and I have to admit it has taken me a while to accept it. I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that I don't have a baby who is going to miraculously sleep through the night and it looks like I'm in for the long haul again.
But, all that aside, what has been most wonderful is the realisation that there isn't a big, dirty secret out there about first borns being more loved than subsequent children. I was so sure, despite what everyone told me, that there was no way I could love another child as much as I love Freyja. I felt a real sense of loss about our time together coming to an end and worried that I wasn't ready for another child. Well I'm pleased to report that not only am I utterly besotted with my second born but I don't feel any longing for my previous life. It doesn't feel as though things have changed, just that life has moved on - a natural progression. And not like I have lost something but in fact like I have gained.
A few people told me that the love would be different and that it would take longer to come with my second born but that has not been my experience. I fell for Theo straight away and I can't really differentiate the way I feel about the two of them - I just love them totally, completely and unconditionally and that is it.
posted by solveig at
8:26 pm
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