Tantrums
Freyja has shown signs of a strong will and a temper from an early age and over the weekend, she gave us a taste of things to come. It's been a weekend of tantrums, I lost count of how many, though one did involve actually stamping her feet in the middle of Laura Ashley in Bromley. All are a result of not getting her own way - either something she wants to be given or something she wants to do. It's hard to know how to deal with them at such a young age - how do you reason with a toddler?
The first one on Friday was because she was throwing things around the bathroom and I told her to stop. When she didn't I took her out and closed the bathroom door so she couldn't go back in. She threw herself on the floor and howled. I was a little taken aback, and tried to calm her down which just made things worse. I then sat next to her and told her to come over to me, thinking that if she came over I could comfort her without it seeming that I had 'given in' to her tantrum, but she refused to. Giving up (I didn't want to just pick her up while she was in such a temper as I thought that might reinforce the behaviour) I went into my bedroom to dry my hair. All of 10 seconds later she wonders innocently in as if nothing has happened, practically whistling to herself and sauntering over to see what I was up to. Not worth having a tantrum if there's no audience, I guess...
...She ended up lying on the floor howling quite a few more times over the weekend. If I try to comfort her she reacts strongly, struggling against me. I don't want to shout at her because I think that shows her that aggressive behaviour is okay, and she's already shown tendencies to be a bit 'feisty'. The only way I can think to deal with it is to tell her to calm down and then ignore her. Goodness knows if it's right.
I warned her child minder today that the temper tantrums had started. She said 'oh, you mean like when she throws herself on the floor and howls when she doesn't get another biscuit at the toddler group. She's been doing that for ages - I've just been giving her another biscuit'. Great.
The first one on Friday was because she was throwing things around the bathroom and I told her to stop. When she didn't I took her out and closed the bathroom door so she couldn't go back in. She threw herself on the floor and howled. I was a little taken aback, and tried to calm her down which just made things worse. I then sat next to her and told her to come over to me, thinking that if she came over I could comfort her without it seeming that I had 'given in' to her tantrum, but she refused to. Giving up (I didn't want to just pick her up while she was in such a temper as I thought that might reinforce the behaviour) I went into my bedroom to dry my hair. All of 10 seconds later she wonders innocently in as if nothing has happened, practically whistling to herself and sauntering over to see what I was up to. Not worth having a tantrum if there's no audience, I guess...
...She ended up lying on the floor howling quite a few more times over the weekend. If I try to comfort her she reacts strongly, struggling against me. I don't want to shout at her because I think that shows her that aggressive behaviour is okay, and she's already shown tendencies to be a bit 'feisty'. The only way I can think to deal with it is to tell her to calm down and then ignore her. Goodness knows if it's right.
I warned her child minder today that the temper tantrums had started. She said 'oh, you mean like when she throws herself on the floor and howls when she doesn't get another biscuit at the toddler group. She's been doing that for ages - I've just been giving her another biscuit'. Great.
posted by solveig at
8:16 PM
5 Comments:
you'd think the childminder would know better. Sam isn't really doing the tantrum thing, but Jacob had them during his terrible twos (not lying on the floor kicking and screaming type, just wailing like a soul in torment the moment he was told he couldn't do/have something).
IMHO, you just have to ignore them completely, don't try and comfort them, don't shout at them - what they want is attention and for you to give in to their demands.
It can be a bit embarrassing at first when you're in public, but you soon find yourself being given sympathetic stares from all the other parents who've been through exactly the same thing!
Can I recommend "Toddler Taming"- probably a bit rich since I am a childless, but my brother used it for all four of his and they gave up on having tantrums very quickly.
I think it basically concurs with you and Rowan but might have some good techniques too.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Toddler-Taming-Parents-Guide-First/dp/0091875285
I am, as you might expect, with Rowan on this. Ignore the tantrums completely. Jacob would look bereft when he'd realise we couldn't give a damn about his tantrum.
Your childminder needs a kick though, that's really lame.
The one in Laura Ashley was quite funny really. I think she really really wanted a floral ironing board cover :)
Sorry, bad dad.
Yes, I guess ignoring is the best way to go. Adrian just laughs at her which seems to work too.
Didn't mean to make my child minder sound crap - she's actually great. Think she just chooses her fights and the middle of toddler group is one she tries to avoid! She did say today that she had used the ignoring technique!!
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